I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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