the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
