you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
