i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
