omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
