D3 body, D1 cock
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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