I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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