Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
where am i from again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
