tell your sister to shave her snatch
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
