people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
