If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
