My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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