i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
