My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize