i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
