i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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