i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
