Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
