I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it glows. i had to have it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
