if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize