so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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