Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
