shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
