I'm really into asian looking animals
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
