why didn't you poke me back
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
