Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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