u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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