first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
