just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
