the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
