Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Someone signed my nipple.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
