Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
