just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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