I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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