Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize