He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I supernannyed him into submission
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
