How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
