She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
