Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
