Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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