some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
