I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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