I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
