The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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