Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
