it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
