just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
