idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
