dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
