Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
