Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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