He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
