I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
