I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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