She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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