At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
