You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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