Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
