I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I intend to get homeless drunk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
