I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
