Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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