You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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