I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
