so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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