Already got asked if we're dating
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize