a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
