dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
